Oh, squeegums, you will never guess what I got in the mail today-- never! Unless, of course, you read the title of this entry, and then you are just a suspense-ruining fool.
I got a quilt from my Grammie!!!!
That's right, writhe in envy and quilt-lust, you losers! Go out and buy some cold, factory-made quilt to assuage your misery-- but it will never even come close to the glory of the gorgeous quilt that I posses!
Yes. Yes, I do hate all of you.
But I also love to make you FEEL how much I hate you, which is why I am writing this entry.
Actually, I sort of guilt-tripped my grandmother into making it for me; but, in my defense, it was all her fault. You see, while Dad (it's his mother) and I were visiting her a year or so ago, she walked me around the house and showed me the three quilts she was working on at the time. Three quilts for three grandkids, and apparently every other grandkid in the family but ME had gotten a stinkin' special hand-made Grammie quilt.
I suddenly suffered from a tremendous and incurable case of quilt-envy.
It's not that I'm especially fond of quilts. I don't collect them, or make them, but I do think they're pretty. And the fact that I was the only one of my cousins to NOT HAVE ONE made me sort of feel slightly possibly forgotten and somehow or other left out in a minute kinda' way.
So I was like, "Oh... they're beautiful. Wish I had one."
And she was like, "But you do."
Imagine me with a bug-eyed, tilted-head expression on my face. This will be difficult, because you do not know what I look like, so just imagine the expression on your face, and then think of what your face would look like if you were ten times prettier than you are. "No...."
And Gram says, "Yes, you do." (Confused look) "I... I made you one."
"No, you never did."
(With a more and more guilty expression) "But I thought... I was sure I did...." (I should point out here that she is only seventy and does not suffer from any form of dementia.)
"Nope." Wistfully, "I mean, you know, maybe sometime, if you can get around to it. I know you're busy."
"No! No! I mean, I... Hey, I know! Let's go into the fabric room!"
And there, she let me look at the fabrics until I picked out a pretty pink one and some beautiful batik cloth. Then, when she saw what I liked, she winked all secret-like and went:
"Well, I had that material saved out for a certain special someone!"
And I screamed, "YEAH RIGHT, GRAMMIE!!!"
No, not really. But I did in my head.
However, all that has been atoned for, now that I have my gorgeous new quilt. Now the rest of the world can wallow in it's unquiltness forever for all I care. I'm warm and happy, and full of guilty-Grammie love.
Peace out, fools.