Long ago, in a reindeer stable far away, a baby was born, and it was Stevie The Horrible Elf. It was his life's mission to wreak havoc upon the world that had not glorified him as the new Santa Clause, and thus he rained down vengeance in the form of hideous brain-probes every Christmas for the rest of eternity.
That is NOT the true meaning of Christmas, but it is true. That is why, no doubt, at least half of the people who are reading this are now mindless zombies. More mindless, anyway.
Stevie made his annual trip around the world last night, showering gifts of probes, grenades, and plague-ridden vermin upon the anticipating masses below. He was met with little fanfare, however, which is why he'll be packing a few bombs next year.
I, personally, got a plague-filled rat, which I placed in my mother's stocking. I hope she appreciates it like I appreciated the noose and chair she gave me.
Have a merry Christmas, and a plague-filled new year.
Also, don't forget the TRUE meaning of Christmas:
"For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6